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Dear Seamus, he is well-known in these parts for being a confirmed and evangelical atheist, that is probably why he set about the poor Vicar like that. Probably just stress, following an unfortunate incident yesterday involving me and the Reverent Payne. (You didn't think I look this good at my age just by chance, did you?) After all the physical jerks I like to round the session off flat out on the flag-stones, for five minutes of deep breathing and meditation. As a responsible memberPP Waterproof Filter Press Cloth of the community and founder member of the Much Twittering Ramblers Association, I feel I must do my bit, however, to keep the ancient footpaths and by-ways open, despite Skinner's protestations that I am scaring his wretched sheep.About the author: Charlotte Mooney is an IT professional with many years experience, currently working for International IT Software Consultancy Proswift, specialising in the Webforum online Document Management and online Project Planning Service.Which is just the moment when Cuthbert walked in on me. And so reassuring to know they contain no dangerous stimulants or chemical additives, especially now, in the middle of Lent. There is so much of geological, architectural and archaeological interest to discuss here, I hardly know where to begin. For today, it is enough for us just to enjoy the first crocuses of the season, bask for a moment in the precious watery rays of early spring sunshine and breathe in a restorative draught of the pure Twittering air.After a long hard winter, with unprecedented levels of snowfall and over 46 hard frosts, the highest number since records in the Greater Twittering Met Office began (in 2009), by this time of year I am longing to get out of the house and into the countryside to sniff out some of the very first signs of Spring.Such a blessing to know that one has recourse to these fine, traditional home-made remedies, so much better and purer than anything one can buy in Boots these days. On a fine March morning like this, crisp and cold but clear and sunny, it a very pleasant thing to put on the trusty wellies, don the old waxed jacket, and set out on a healthful stroll around our lovely and historic village. I suppose it was a mistake anyone could have made, to think I was lying there unconscious, but did the blithering idiot have to attempt to administer the Kiss of Life? And did he have to do it quite so enthusiastically? Well, what a kerfuffle! It took all the strength I had to beat him off, disentangle his dog-collar from my leotard and explain that I was perfectly fine: not dying, just exercising. A daily work-out of toning and stretching, followed by a gruelling session of Tae-Bo and Kick-Boxing is just a part of my fitness and well-being regime. 'Anything to keep the old bat quiet', he always says, just his little joke. Just because he's a Man of the Cloth he seems to think he has the God-given right to barge in to decent people's private quarters without so much as a 'By Your Leave'.My regular route takes me past what was once a Quaker School, over a medieval pack-horse bridge, round the perimeter of the local chemical works (unfortunately), and of course straight through Skinner's Farm Yard. Odious man, he does loathe it when we walkers cross his precious muck-strewn yard, and is prone to rudely bursting out upon unsuspecting, innocent passers-by brandishing his blunderbuss. He didn't Needle Punched Felt Manufacturers seem at all pleased to see the Vicar, whom he escorted to the door in a very brusque, perhaps even slightly aggressive manner.I'm in even more need of a lungful of fresh air this morning, as I am suffering from an unexplained and blinding headache.After all that we were both so exhausted and discombobulated I was impelled to open a bottle of the old Elderflower Cordial, vintage 2006, and to resort to one of my son Sebastian's herbal cigarettes. I myself, feeling unexpectedly dizzy and suddenly fatigued, went straight to bed and within minutes was sound asleep. Bloody man walks in on me unannounced, right in the middle of my daily relaxation and meditation session in the Cow Byre. Well I do, as you know, lead an extremely busy and demanding professional life, sometimes it can seem exhausting, even for a woman of my calibre. Our little 'in-joke' here in Much T is that as long as you can smell the emissions from Farmer Skinner's abattoir, you know for a fact you are still alive. Don't know where he gets them from; I have never seen them in the shops, but I find them an absolute God-send, and so wonderfully relaxing! Sebastian is such a dear, thoughtful boy, he makes sure I have a regular supply of herbal roll-ups, and charges me next to nothing for them. We had just lit a third herbal ciggie and were three-quarters of the way down our second bottle of Elderflower cordial when my other half, my darling Seamus, arrived home from work. Back up over the Golf course and into the village, and there's just time for a draught of another sort (non-alcoholic of course), at the Slaughtered Lamb, before lunch back at the Grange.One day, when I have more time on my hands, I must tell you the story of how I single-handedly uncovered the long-lost site of a Bronze-Age burial chamber down here in the woods, and brought to light the legendary Stoneacre Hoard, now the most prized and revered exhibit in the Greater Twittering and district Museum. Off I go on my ramble, straight down the bridle path, past the abattoir, through the quagmire at Much-Twittering Beck, and on down into the famous and historic Stoneacre Woods.And so, back to this morning. And boy, can I smell them this morning.